ASP – Day #4

I am so very tired but absolutely have to get my thoughts down before I forget about the day. While Monday was a great first day and we had some laughs and produced more work than I thought possible, I left the site a bit jaded and in judgement – to a degree. It was a weight on my shoulders of sadness and disbelief in the lives of these people but also of anger. How could this mother just sit in this squalor and have these two babies and not have a drive to get out?! I was very unsettled about my decision to be here. Maybe I wasn’t cut out for this type of mission work – but who doesn’t love ASP. Am I some freak? And so…I prayed. My prayer last night (Monday night) was for God to help me with this. I don’t and haven’t ever asked God for a sign to show me anything – I think that’s what we call faith…you just gotta believe. Well, anyway…I simply asked God to help me open my eyes and my heart to understand why I am here and to help me see and feel a compassion for this single mother. I didn’t have some explosion to set it all right in my mind. In fact, it wasn’t until late today as we were filthy ,nasty and sweaty that God came walking down the road. Of course, I paid no attention to this man to start with but he hung out for a bit and with a little tidbit here and a little tidbit there, he intrigued me. I’d like to record that I was thinking of my heart-felt prayer from last night when I pleaded with God for help, but really, I wasn’t. His head held low, his hands in his pockets, he offered suggestions and thoughts about the area and some history. This soft spoken man that talked of more repairs to this trailer and helping us to do this and that is the father to our single mother. Without details that don’t bear repeating, he eventually shared with me why his “youngun” was in this trailer “not fit to tear down” and I’ve never heard another person including myself talk more lovingly and precious than this man did of his child. He had saved her from a certain death and she was walking a new walk close to her family. After trials and tribulations, she was making progress. So far, she has broken the chains of a horrible drug addiction. Set herself free from an abusive relationship – and is trying to get her children a safe place to live. So my note to self tonight is that this single mom has already worked harder, at life, than I will EVER understand and overcome more than I will ever be able to fathom. She’s not just sitting in squalor. She’s making one small step at a time to make life right and better for her children. God walked down that dirt road today – I have no doubt. He came to talk to me and to answer my prayer.

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